6/31 – Apologize like an Adult

An apology is a very emotional mature state of development that I feel not many people are at. I don’t want to say I’m the best at it, but I try my best and I expect that of others. I make sure I teach my 5 and 9 year old nieces and 11 year old nephew to practice how to apologize to each other.

1/31 – Love Your Family

A few months before the wedding, my father and I got into an altercation where 27 years of internalized conflict literally spilled into the streets. My throat hurt that night from all the screaming. You would have thunk someone was being bloody murdered. I refused to communicate with him for weeks thereafter. Just a few months ago, frustration reached its tipping point and I walked out of dinner at his house, and rejected over 10 calls in 5 minutes from my mother pleading me to return.

My father never actually taught me much, at least that was the way I needed it. All my life, he would tell me what to do, but never actually walk me through it. He expected me to fulfill his wishes but never explain what he wanted. In simple house hold chores such as sweeping, washing dishes, setting the table, mopping… I was a failure. He would push me aside and take over in the middle of my chores because I wasn’t good enough or fast enough or effective enough or whatever enough. And he never encouraged me to practice to get better. And to this day, I have a difficult time beginning and completing chores.

But I don’t hate him. I know he loves me. Love just means something different in Chinese.