6/31 – Apologize like an Adult

An apology is a very emotional mature state of development that I feel not many people are at. I don’t want to say I’m the best at it, but I try my best and I expect that of others. I make sure I teach my 5 and 9 year old nieces and 11 year old nephew to practice how to apologize to each other. Continue reading “6/31 – Apologize like an Adult”


2/31 In All Relationships, Communicate

**Note, I use the term my mother, not our mother just out of sheer habit. My mother said someday she and my father will go kapootz, and all we’ll have is each other.

This post is for my little brother. I am proud of him and the intelligent man he has become. He was a skinny kid. The good kid. My mother’s favorite. He’s still a skinny kid. He’s still a good kid. But who am I kidding? I’ve always been and still is my mother’s favorite! In my opinion, these are all facts 🙂

Growing up, I hated my brother. I would beat him up in fury and rage while my mother would always come to his defense. Life was unfair as the first child of an immigrant mother who would use harsh discipline on me, and not him. He was a smart kid who didn’t cause trouble like I did. I remember confiding to an adult in high school, Ms Rustom, and she told me someday I  would understand the bond of a brother. I told her she lied. But today, I can see her truth.

I think my brother and I have a great relationship. It’s because we communicate with each other and for each other.  Continue reading “2/31 In All Relationships, Communicate”

1/31 – Love Your Family

A few months before the wedding, my father and I got into an altercation where 27 years of internalized conflict literally spilled into the streets. My throat hurt that night from all the screaming. You would have thunk someone was being bloody murdered. I refused to communicate with him for weeks thereafter. Just a few months ago, frustration reached its tipping point and I walked out of dinner at his house, and rejected over 10 calls in 5 minutes from my mother pleading me to return.

My father never actually taught me much, at least that was the way I needed it. All my life, he would tell me what to do, but never actually walk me through it. He expected me to fulfill his wishes but never explain what he wanted. In simple house hold chores such as sweeping, washing dishes, setting the table, mopping… I was a failure. He would push me aside and take over in the middle of my chores because I wasn’t good enough or fast enough or effective enough or whatever enough. And he never encouraged me to practice to get better. And to this day, I have a difficult time beginning and completing chores.

But I don’t hate him. I know he loves me. Love just means something different in Chinese.  Continue reading “1/31 – Love Your Family”