1/31 – Love Your Family

A few months before the wedding, my father and I got into an altercation where 27 years of internalized conflict literally spilled into the streets. My throat hurt that night from all the screaming. You would have thunk someone was being bloody murdered. I refused to communicate with him for weeks thereafter. Just a few months ago, frustration reached its tipping point and I walked out of dinner at his house, and rejected over 10 calls in 5 minutes from my mother pleading me to return.

My father never actually taught me much, at least that was the way I needed it. All my life, he would tell me what to do, but never actually walk me through it. He expected me to fulfill his wishes but never explain what he wanted. In simple house hold chores such as sweeping, washing dishes, setting the table, mopping… I was a failure. He would push me aside and take over in the middle of my chores because I wasn’t good enough or fast enough or effective enough or whatever enough. And he never encouraged me to practice to get better. And to this day, I have a difficult time beginning and completing chores.

But I don’t hate him. I know he loves me. Love just means something different in Chinese. But what I’ve always wanted from him was his respect. What I’ve wanted from him was him to tell me that I’ve done a good job. That he’s proud of me. Even in my mistakes, I want him to just nod with approval. I want him to tell me I am a good husband, and will be a good father. He hasn’t done this yet, I’m still waiting. But love is not conditional, to wait for him to do what I want before I love him is juvenile.

10153680_811917755526394_6048714300696187709_n

So how does this first post relate to family and love? Below is the parent dedication to my father on the day of the wedding ceremony. I wrote it in English, and my friend Sam Tsoi translated and read it to my father. It should explain a lot. So this is my first post. I dedicate it to my father, and the amazingly strong woman by his side.


 

When a child grows up, he thinks it’s his job to run as far away from his parents’ control as possible. He thinks it’s his job to forge a new life for himself alone. He thinks it’s his job to learn from his own mistakes. But parents get in the way. I resented you.

When parents raise a child, it’s their responsibility to keep him as safe as possible. It’s their responsibility to help him build a new life, better than the ones they had. It’s the parents’ responsibility to teach him how to be independent and strong. But the child refuses to listen. You continue to love me.

I brought tears to your eyes. I stopped listening to you. I stopped speaking Chinese. I wrote on the walls. You painted them. I wrote on them again. I didn’t clean the house. I didn’t clean my room. I didn’t clean the dishes. I would often come home late for dinner. I wasted lots of money. I stole lots of money from your drawers. I lied about stealing lots of money from your drawers. I lied some more about other things. I yelled at you for being bad parents. I told you I hated you.

And through it all, you still love me. You always say, “just wait until you’re older.” I am a little bit older now, and as I’m nearing closer to the part of life life when I can think about having children – I love you now more than ever. I can only imagine the amount of effort it must have took to love me the last 27 years. Very soon, I don’t have to imagine.

Thank you.

Thank you for what you’ve taught me. Some of the best lessons you never needed to speak a word. Thank you for teaching me to ride a bike. Thank you for teaching me to never give up. Thank you for teaching me to be a loving husband. Thank you for teaching me it’s more important to love my wife more than myself.

Thank you.

And one last thing. I’m sorry I never cleaned my room. But don’t worry, I have wife now.  


 

當一個孩子長大的時候,時常想離開爸爸媽媽的掌控去社會中自己去面對困難和挑戰。爸爸媽媽又時常從中間入管控。我又時常埋怨你們。

童年成長全是父母愛的付出,幫孩子健立比他們們更加安好,幸福的生活。但孩子仍然時常不聽父母們的教悔。你們卻仍然繼續地愛護我,關心照顧我。

我又帶給你們傷心的眼淚。我不聽你們話,我也不說中文。每次我在牆上亂畫,你們無怨言油刷好,我又繼續亂畫。每天都不打掃房間,不幫忙家務,經常不回家同你們一起吃飯。而且還亂洗(花)錢,私自拿你們柜里的錢用,然後仍不承認。並且時常講大話,欺騙你們,更你們不會做父母,並說過我很恨你們!

經過這麼長的年日,你們仍然無放棄的一直愛我。還經常說:"等你大個仔就會明白,我們對你的愛"。現在,我大個仔了,當我將要成家立時,就開始明白你們做父母的苦心。這二十七年來,是你們用生的精力,對我無條件的培養和愛護。直至今天,我不用再想像,終於明白你們對我不离不棄的愛!

多謝!

多謝你們所教導我的一切,例如:教我踏腳車,鼓勵我不要放棄!教導我要成為一位好丈夫,愛妻子多過愛自己。

多謝你們!

還有,我現在不用你們擔心不拾房間,因為我已經有老婆了!

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “1/31 – Love Your Family

  1. Oh Kevin you made me feel like am 31 now. Very nice start for a blog.
    “And one last thing. I’m sorry I never cleaned my room. But don’t worry, I have wife now.” ohh Megan 😦

Share your thoughts?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s